


Quiet

by kronette



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Original Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 23:04:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1446106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t always like this. It wasn't always so quiet that you could hear the clock ticking, or the faucet dripping, or the sound of your own breathing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quiet

It wasn’t always like this. It wasn't always so quiet that you could hear the clock ticking, or the faucet dripping, or the sound of your own breathing. The rasp of your fingers rubbing your dry skin contrasted with the drag of the blanket as you huddled down deeper on the couch, despite the heat of the day. It was safe. You liked safe. You haven't felt safe in decades, always afraid of being hurt again, of being teased again. Of being laughed at again. Old wounds run deep, but some are carved in bone. 

You heard words like major chronic depression and tried to get help for that. You heard other phrases like social anxiety and general anxiety and wondered how you ever survived leaving the house. 

Most days you didn’t. 

Some days you stayed in bed, because it was safe.

But nothing was ever truly safe. You learned to talk others on a superficial level, but your private thoughts stayed private. No one who knows you really knows you; they know exactly what you want them to know. Nothing more. 

Protection is what it's all about, though there isn't protection from harsh words and harsh actions. Not when they're thirty years old. You can't let them go, because you won't know who you are without that pain. It made you, no matter how flawed you are. 

Every day you're out in the world, you realize just how out of place you are. Some of that is your fault. _It's just_ is the root of all evil. It's the single worst phrase in the entirety of humanity, because it means that what you're experiencing isn't _real_. It's just in your head. It's just because you're lazy. It's just a phase. It's just…

It's just me. It's all I know how to be. And until I can accept that, if I can ever accept that, if this is all there is, then it'll just have to be good enough.


End file.
